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(More customer reviews)Mother Nature has been one scary momma lately. You can barely swing a dead meteorologist without hitting some sort of earthquake, twister, tsunami, flood or typhoon on the map. What's next, hailstones the size of Kardashian implants? Krakatoa ripping us all a new volcanic lava-hole? Plagues of locusts and killer bees and whatever species the Philly Phanatic belongs to?
I decided to prepare myself for the next natural disaster by making sure I'll always have access to the four basic necessities: Food. Shelter. Clothing. Twitter.
If there's a food that can withstand any weather emergency, it's the almighty Twinkie. They're the perfect survival staple: Twinkies are waterproof, fire retardant, unfreezable and approximately as lava-resistant as you are. They float, have a half-life longer than carbon-14, the filling repels insects when rubbed on the skin, and these are individually wrapped, so if a tornado carries them miles away, you can still track them down and enjoy a delicious post-apocalyptic snack.
In fact, their tastiness is the only downside. I bought a week's supply, four boxes to stash away in case of emergency. They lasted about six hours. I think I may have inhaled one of the wrappers.
Maybe I should switch to Hostess Ho-Ho's. Just to be safe.
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